Day 20 and motherhood is still a major adjustment. I'm sort of getting used to the lack of sleep and have even started to be able to block out some of the crying. (I've found you sort of need to be immune to it to some extent) But while I'm not weepy every day anymore, it still hits on occasion. Today was a bad one. I'm not sure what set it off -- a bunch of little things compounding, I suppose. The ever popular sleep abyss, more fussiness on Camden's part (apparently this is common around his age), Brian working a lot, me hardly ever leaving this damn house, the incessant pumping, and my clothes, shoes and wedding ring not fitting me yet -- it can all just be too much at times. So I'm upset and I cry, and Brian wants to help but can't so we get annoyed with each other and have a bad day. I mean, he's tired too and he wants to "fix the problem" (typical guy response) while I want him to listen to me and be supportive (typical girl desire) which ultimately ends in a fight.
I know the hormones are exacerbating my feelings and crazy talk, but that's an intangible thing. So in the end, you do just feel plain 'ole crazy. From what I can gather, almost all mothers go through something like this. The problem is nobody ever TALKS about it. I suppose it's embarrassing or maybe moms just want to block the first 2 weeks out of their memories. I can relate to both. But I think it's a disservice to all future mothers out there to not talk about it. Moms-to-be, be prepared!!
Life after baby is hard. Damn hard.
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