1 month and random thoughts.

E is 1 month today! that seemed to have gone by fast yet slow. that makes zero sense yet is the truth. 1 mo appt today and she's 8lb 8oz. i thought that was kinda heavy but apparently it's only the 30%. considering she was less than 7 lbs two weeks ago though, she's sure growing quick. this chic can take down 3.5 - 4 oz of milk at a time these days. but last night she slept from about 10pm to 2:30am and then again from 3:30 - 6:30am! B and I hope that was not some freak accident and instead her new sleeping pattern. a nice 4-5 hour stretch would be heaven.

pumping continues. i am pumping as i type this. the good thing about my milk this time around is there seems to be more of it. the crappy thing is i now leak every 3 hours. it's quite disgusting actually, and uncontrollable.

the heat is starting to get to me. poor baby has heat rash all over in addition to her cradle cap on and behind her ears. nothing i can do about either though. and me? i just feel gross by the end of the day. not only am i in the house all day in comfy clothes (cause what's the point otherwise when i have to hold baby most of the day?), hair pulled back and likely not even brushed, no makeup and feeling like a dead mommy, but add spit up and breasmilk leaking all over to them mix and it can get depressing.

i long for a pedi, hair straightening and cut to make me feel like me again. i've always had trouble with the "losing my identity" part of motherhood. this time around, it's much easier and not as much as a shock. but there are still remnants of those identity woes that resurface from time to time.

okay, pumping done. now to try and get a few things done around the house before E wakes up. the mess is driving me batty!!

the juggling act: my first real day as a mommy of 2.

today was my first day alone all day with the 2 kids. i may have been a mom before, but now juggling a 3-week old and 2-year old, i feel like i've moved up a weight class.

here's my day in a nutshell starting from when i went to bed last night. (well, it may not be a nutshell but i feel the need to write it down for posterity)

9:30pm -- exhaustedly fall into bed after trying to get E to sleep. she is much more fussy at night for some reason and getting her to sleep even after a feeding takes rocking, bouncing, running the water faucet and other tricks up our sleeves.

12:30am -- wake up to the sound of C crying from his bedroom. mommies can always hear when their kids are crying. Daddies? not so much. i swear it sounded like he fell off the bed or something so i run to his room to see what's wrong. must have been a nightmare cause he was sitting on his bed and wanted me to sing to him. spend 10 minutes getting him calm and back to sleep.

12:45am -- back to bed.

1? 1:30? -- I don't remember but E wakes up. i change her diaper and while B makes her bottle. then B feeds her while i pump. I love that husband of mine. with baby #1, i got up and did feedings on my own more but with 2 kids? no way. i need the sleep to be able to make it through the day! pump for 15 minutes, rinse the pumping equipment, put together E's next bottle of breastmilk (woohoo! a feeding of mommy milk! my hard work in a bottle!), take E from the hubby and rock her to sleep.

2:15am-ish -- back to bed.

5:00am -- wake up to E crying. SO TIRED. beg B to get up and feed her the already prepared bottle. Please oh please! i'll skip the pumping this time. he does it without complaint. have i mentioned how much i love him?

6:30am -- awake to sounds of C outside running around, singing, opening my bedroom door to see me and sister. how much my life has changed that 6:30am is SLEEPING IN.

6:45am -- pump while making my breakfast which definitely includes coffee. try my best to be awake enough to interact with C so he doesn't feel completely neglected. B's feeding C breakfast as they watch tv. TV watching has exponentially increased in our house since having baby #2. sorry folks, that's just reality. it's awesome that my hubby is able to be home in the mornings to help with the 2 kids for awhile. if i had to do it all alone i think i'd crack!

7:15am -- E gets up. I make her bottle as B changes her. i think B fed her cause i was still finishing up pumping? that's mommy brain for you. thankfully, E usually goes back to sleep at this point in the day. life would be lovely if i could go back to sleep with her like i used to with C. but with 2 kids? no dice. so, B holds her on the couch while she sleeps. i drop a load of laundry in the washer and wash bottles.

needing to find something else productive to do, i decide to start reorganizing the pantry cause it's been driving me crazy! i start that project and C comes over to see what i'm up to. bless this kid, he loves to help. so, i give him some tasks and he helps me reorganize which is great cause it takes some time away from the WALL-E movie playing the background. every once in awhile, he'll run to the tv to see what's going on, but then runs over to his toys and then back to me for more assistance. i now only feel 33% guilty for having the tv on all morning.

9:00am -- E will likely be up soon so i should get a pump in. another reason it's great having B around in the morning! another set of hands so i can pump is a lifesaver. so, i pump while dropping a freezer meal in the crockpot. so far, these have not been stellar but hey, it's edible.

9:30am -- E is up again. i make her bottle and feed her so B can get ready for work. oh, let me mention that all the while, meaning from the time C gets up in the morning til the time he goes to bed at night, it's nonstop talking, singing, questions, demands, mini-tantrums -- you know, the usual behavior of a 2-year-old. so, as i'm feeding E, C is asking me for snack, or to watch a very specific thing on tv, or his milk or SOMETHING.

9:45am-ish -- B is finally off to work. Much later than he usually goes to work but he has to be at work late this afternoon so it evens out. now the fun begins!!

10:00am -- turn the tv off. that's enough of that. i look at the clock and contemplate whether i'm brave enough to take both kids out for part of the day. i ask C what he wants to do and he of course lists things that are a 15-30 min drive away and not in my current capacity. i decide the most i can handle is taking them both out to lunch. that'll get us out of the house but hopefully E will sleep through it so it's an easy outing. takes a little bit of convincing, but C agrees.

the wheels in my head start turning as i start to plan how this will all go down. what time can i pump cause we need to go and come back within my pumping window, what time will she eat again cause that will very much determine when we leave. i think i've got it figured out so i put E down with my fingers crossed that she stays asleep in her pack n play so i can spend some time with C and get things done around the house.

10:15am -- success! E is sleeping on her own. C wants to finger paint so i set that up for him. while he does that, i wash dishes and reorganize the pantry some more. of course, not much gets done cause i need to help C, answer his questions, wipe his hands, etc. he really only paints for like 20 minutes and then he's over it. he seemed to enjoy it though, even if it was short-lived.

10:45am -- C wants a snack. after much conversation, i find him one. he then helps me reorganize some more. sweet. let me also throw in here that during much of the morning i am shushing C cause i don't want to wake E up. i realize she just needs to deal and it's unrealistic to expect C to talk softly all the time, but he's actually pretty good at being quiet when he wants to be. i'm mildly successful at keeping an "indoor voice" morning household.

11:15am -- E is up! make her bottle, feed her and let C help me feed her to keep him somewhat occupied. i now need to put her down, pump while i get changed and ready to go, pack the kids' bag, and get C and E ready to go asap.

i put E down and she's asleep for the first 5 minutes. i get my pumping stuff on (oh, how i'm starting to hate this process), concede that makeup will not happen and try to just pluck my eyebrows a little and get my hair in a nice ponytail so i'm not a total hot mess. get my tweezers out and one pluck later, i realize C is very, very quiet. too quiet. i go to check on him and he's by his toy kitchen. i ask if he's okay and he tells me he has to poop. of course he does.

okay, so i take him to bathroom and have him do as much as he can himself to get on the toilet and ready to poop. remember now, all the while i still have the pumping contraption strapped to my boobs as i'm trying to help him poop. that sounds just lovely, doesn't it? as i close the door to give C some privacy, i hear E crying.

go to her but can't pick her up because of said pumping contraption. so, i stick a binky in her mouth, pat her and shush her to try and get her back to sleep. thankfully, it seems to work! and just in time to hear, "mommy, i'm done!"

back to the bathroom to help C finish up, wash hands, put clothes on, etc. E's crying again. i ask C if he can help mommy out and play in his room nicely for awhile. i tell him in need to finish pumping and get us ready to go to lunch and it would be great if he could play in his tent. with minimal complaint, he obliges. i love this kid!! i turn the A/C on in his room and he plays nicely in there for awhile.

back to trying to calm E without picking her up. takes me another 5 minutes or so, but she closes her eyes and seems to be back to sleep.

try to get ready again and this time get to plucking 3 hairs under my eyebrows when i hear E crying again. sigh. binky, soothe and pat her back to sleep. please oh please stay asleep or we are never getting out of here! finally, she seems to really be sleeping this time.

my pumping is done so i pour all the milk out, rinse it all and am free of it for another few hours. finally get myself changed and ready to go. meanwhile, C is running back and forth from his room to his toy kitchen and i hear all kinds of clanging. who the heck knows what is going on but at this point, i let him be and hope he's not painting the walls of his room or something.

i get her bottle ready, C's milk and snacks and make sure i have other essentials. comb C's hair, change E's diaper and clothes and get her in her carseat. close up the house and we are off!! get everyone in the car and check the time as i pull out of the driveway -- 12:30pm. good gracious.

12:30pm -- off to lunch at a restaurant only 5 minutes away. and a place i don't even like that much but it's kid-friendly and close by. get there and E's sleeping in her carseat. yay! take her out in it and let her sleep through lunch. we have a drama-free hour, fill our tummies and all is good.

1:30pm -- back at the house already! yup, ALL THAT for one measly hour. get kids out of car and leave E in her seat awhile longer while i get C ready for his nap. potty, diaper on, teeth brushed and in bed. phew!

1:45pm -- PUMP. stupid pump.

2:15pm -- take E out of carseat and put her in pack n play. she's still sleeping but we'll see how long that lasts.

2:30pm -- E stirs and gets up. change her diaper, make her bottle while she cries a bit.


2:45pm -- feed her and put her in the ergo so i can carry her around hands-free and do things like wash dishes, surf the internet and oh, write this blog entry.

4:00pm -- C wakes up from his nap. i don't think B is gonna be home til 5:30 or so today. hmmm...maybe i'll call the in-laws and see if they'll watch him for an hour and give myself a break. :)

all in all, a somewhat stressful but pretty good day. maybe in a month or so i'll graduate to taking the kids out for 2 hours at a time? it gets easier, right??

breastfeeding woes

same song, different tune (or whatever that saying is). trying to breastfeed C nearly drove me to the nut house and the same is true for new baby girl E. it's a bit easier with her cause at least she latches and nurses for long periods, but the way she sucks hurts my nipples and she's only now getting the hang of opening her mouth wide enough to get a semi-good latch. so what does that leave me with? sore, blistered, cracked nipples that are so raw i'm surprised they haven't fallen off. i literally walk around the house all day topless cause any material touching them hurts like hell. poor C must think i'm crazy and asks once in awhile, "where's your shirt?"

for some reason being unable to properly breastfeed make me feel like a failure. it stresses me out -- less so this time around -- but still, i just wish it could be easy and natural. you'd think it would be, right? i mean, if this were 100 years ago, how the heck would either of my kids survive? both of them needed formula. that thought crosses my mind all the time when my kids don't get enough milk from me; it's so baffling.

lactaction consultant coming tomorrow. hopefully she can help fix my latching problem so my nipples don't come out all flat and sore after every feeding. i'm hopeful but trying to be realistic too. cause if the problem can't be solved quickly, screw this breastfeeding crap. C had a bunch of formula and he seems to be just fine. i'd love to be one of those moms who has tons of milk and can breastfeed like it aint no thing. i wonder, are there moms out there whose babies just latch instantly and they experience NO nipple pain, no problems, no thing? if so, i envy them. all the stress and time that comes with the complexities of breastfeeding seriously will give me a nervous breakdown. so, fingers crossed that tomorrow will be good new from from consultant. if not, bye bye breastfeeding -- it is so not worth my sanity!

baby #2: blogging for my sanity

baby #2 is finally here! she's beautiful and perfect and we love her so much. but it's also a rude re-awakening to the horrors of having a newborn in the house. i swear, i am so not cut out for dealing with the first few weeks of baby's life. it's definitely easier the second time around, but only just. thankfully, cam has been incredibly amazing adjusting to his sister being around which has been such a blessing. what a great kid.

here's my quick thoughts on the first 5 days with a new baby and 2 kids in the house:

• the sleep abyss is back and i do not function well without sleep.
• breastfeeding is the devil. DEVIL.
• less worry about the small stuff (how much baby is eating, sleeping, crying, etc.) but added guilt of not being able to spend time with my older one. thankfully, he's been so wonderful and understanding about "sharing mommy."
• my husband is my savior. 
• hormones are a bitch and they affect me greatly. 
• 2 meltdowns in 5 days, and i'm not talking about the kids.
• the jaundice blanket suckidy sucks sucks.
• and i know it sounds horrible, but if i could skip over the first 3 weeks with baby, i would.

field trip friends

Recommended by some mommy friends, Field Trip Friends is a program run by a former school teacher who wanted to get kids outside. She organizes weekly field trips for parents with young children at various locations around the island. I found out that she is in the process of franchising and needed some marketing help in exchange for a free session. Sounded good to me, so I worked out a barter agreement with her and got an 8-week package in return. So far, we've gone on two field trips all on Saturday mornings. It's a challenge to get out of the house and as far as Kahuku on some days by 9:30am, but once we're there, it's pretty great. Camden has loved the field trips so far and it's so nice to be out and about at all of these places we wouldn't be able to go to on our own.

Here's some pics from our field trips so far:

Bubble Man. Hugest bubbles ever! I may need to book this guy for a birthday party in the future.







James Campbell Wildlife Refuge out in Kahuku. I didn't even know this place existed and apparently they only do tours for a short period of time once a year. Fun times!

pbskids.org

Congratulations, advertising execs at PBS Kids. Your repetitive ad tactics work and you have successfully brainwashed my son into remembering your network and website address. Of course, he has no clue he's reciting a url, but just hears this phrase after Sesame Street or whatever kids tv show he gets to watch, which then has a plug for kids to go check out the website for more.

My first reaction to Camden knowing this, as we did not teach it to him and he doesn't even watch PBS on the computer, was to laugh. The "dot org" that comes out in his little voice is ridiculously adorable, there's no denying it. But then I also feel frightened by the fact that at the age of 2, THIS is what he hears...enough so that he's repeating it.

I suppose it's partly my fault for even letting him watch TV and exposing him to your marketing ploys, PBS Kids. But doesn't it also say something about kids being the target of advertising and marketing campaigns in general? I follow Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood and while some of their info is too "purist" for me (Cam loves Elmo and Mickey, so sue me), they have a point about the level of product pushing on kids today. In this day and age with media literally everywhere and at your fingertips, excessive marketing is a reality of life. But it sure does make my job as a parent much harder as it's one more thing I need to monitor. I need to find the balance between making sure Camden keeps up with technology so he's not left behind but limiting him so he's not a materialistic, tech-savvy clone. I want him to be able to explore the outdoors and the world around him without it having to always relate to some tv show character. I want him to prefer imagination over a computer screen.

Looks like I have my work cut out for me.

But here's my Camden throwing a little tantrum over wanting to watch "pbs kids dot org" instead of taking a bath. I share it with a giggle and a chagrin. Again, congratulations PBS Kids. Consider your job done.

it's a girl!

Found out last week that baby #2 will be a girl! I had a feeling it would be a girl cause this pregnancy felt different than the last. I was way more tired and felt sicker in the first trimester whereas with Camden, I felt perfectly fine. Some of those old wives tales may be true too -- the whole "girls steal your beauty." Well, I started breaking out with acne in the first trimester (thank goodness that has subsided!) and that never happened with Camden. With Cam, I also craved salt in the beginning and with this one, sweets!

We'd be happy either way but I must admit, I'm excited for a girl. Nice to be able to experience raising both genders and I think it'll be fascinating to see the differences. Plus, girl clothes are just so much cuter.

Here I am at about 16 weeks. I am showing MUCH earlier this time around thanks to my stretched out abdomen and lack of muscles.

Yay for baby! :)