to put him down, or not to put him down. that is the question.

Camden has a pretty good schedule going. I suppose somewhat by our doing (I think it's MUCH easier to get baby on a schedule when bottle feeding) but we're also following his cues as well. His day goes something like this:

• Wake up around 7:30am. Change, feed, put in day clothes and go downstairs to start the day.
  
• Mom now has to pump for 20 minutes. So, I usually put him down on his play gym with his friend, the penguin. This is where the guilt sets in. I feel bad putting him down but I also need to keep my milk up. The one thing I can't do when pumping is hold him. So he's on that mat for 20-30 minutes. I check in on him every few minutes and I also make and eat breakfast while pumping. Then wash all the pumping stuff (I'm SO sick of washing bottles!).
  
• After that, I do some tummy time with him. I've been trying to do this with him more recently cause I don't think I've done it enough. Poor guy, his head is so big and heavy he can't lift it up! He hates tummy time. I'm hoping the more we do it, the more he'll like it.
• Then I either hold him for awhile or put him on a pillow in front of me and talk with him. He's quite the talker these days!
  
• By this time, he's been up for a couple hours and wants a nap. Sometimes I hold him during this nap or if we're going out or something, I put him down in his swing so I can get ready or do what I need to. Another guilt point if I put him down. I know what you're thinking -- why don't you pump when he's sleeping? Well, cause I pump AFTER feeding him and getting ready to come downstairs so at this point not enough time has gone by since I last pumped. :(
  
• When he wakes up, usually around 10am, he's ready to eat again. Change and feed.
• And then here we go again. I need to pump soon. Usually I hold him, play with him, do tummy time again, for about an hour and then put him down so I can pump. Tack on another guilt point.
• At this point, he usually wants another short nap. So, I try to put him in the sling so he can nap on me but I can still be hands free to do things. Today, it worked and here I am blogging! Why not wait til he's sleeping and then pump, you ask again? 1) Timing. 2) He sleeps better with me (a bit longer) than when I put him down. Sometimes, if I put him down too much for naps he gets way over tired. So, I try to balance out holding him and putting him down for naps.
  
• He gets up around 12:30-1pm to eat again. Change, feed. Then he's usually up for awhile during this part of the day. So, I put him down at some point again to pump. Boo.
  
• He then eats around 3pm and then is usually tired somewhere between 3-5pm. At this point, I try to put him down for his nap (in his swing or recently in his pack and play) but only if he's had good naps and hasn't been put down too much earlier in the day. If he hasn't, it's holding time for part of this.
• Then from 5-7pm he's usually up. Good days are when Brian gets home at 5. Then he can take Cam and do tummy time again and keep him entertained while I finish dinner or do laundry or other things. Hard days are when he gets home at 6:30pm and I need to do it all plus get his bath ready on my own (like last night!)
• 6:45ish, he gets a bath or a wipe down.
  
• 7:00pm, if he's up we read him a couple books. If he seems really tired, he just gets fed and put down early.
  
• 7:30pm -- the bedtime we shoot for every night. Feed, swaddle and off to bed!
• Cam then sleeps a good 6-7 hours these days. It's been pretty consistent for the last week almost. He sleeps until about 1 or 2am. Change, feed.
  
• He gets up again around 5am. Change, feed.
• Finally, gets up around 7:30am and it starts all over!

So that's his day in a nutshell. I feel so bad when I put him down. Like I'm neglecting him. And I feel like he doesn't get enough stimulation when I put him down. I also worry that he's getting a flat head from putting him down too much. Not that his head looks really flat or anything but that doesn't stop me from worrying about it. But I'm not sure what else I can do. I have to pump and sometimes I just need to put him down anyway (mommy's need breaks!).

To put him down or not. That's my daily dilemma.