1 month and random thoughts.

E is 1 month today! that seemed to have gone by fast yet slow. that makes zero sense yet is the truth. 1 mo appt today and she's 8lb 8oz. i thought that was kinda heavy but apparently it's only the 30%. considering she was less than 7 lbs two weeks ago though, she's sure growing quick. this chic can take down 3.5 - 4 oz of milk at a time these days. but last night she slept from about 10pm to 2:30am and then again from 3:30 - 6:30am! B and I hope that was not some freak accident and instead her new sleeping pattern. a nice 4-5 hour stretch would be heaven.

pumping continues. i am pumping as i type this. the good thing about my milk this time around is there seems to be more of it. the crappy thing is i now leak every 3 hours. it's quite disgusting actually, and uncontrollable.

the heat is starting to get to me. poor baby has heat rash all over in addition to her cradle cap on and behind her ears. nothing i can do about either though. and me? i just feel gross by the end of the day. not only am i in the house all day in comfy clothes (cause what's the point otherwise when i have to hold baby most of the day?), hair pulled back and likely not even brushed, no makeup and feeling like a dead mommy, but add spit up and breasmilk leaking all over to them mix and it can get depressing.

i long for a pedi, hair straightening and cut to make me feel like me again. i've always had trouble with the "losing my identity" part of motherhood. this time around, it's much easier and not as much as a shock. but there are still remnants of those identity woes that resurface from time to time.

okay, pumping done. now to try and get a few things done around the house before E wakes up. the mess is driving me batty!!

the juggling act: my first real day as a mommy of 2.

today was my first day alone all day with the 2 kids. i may have been a mom before, but now juggling a 3-week old and 2-year old, i feel like i've moved up a weight class.

here's my day in a nutshell starting from when i went to bed last night. (well, it may not be a nutshell but i feel the need to write it down for posterity)

9:30pm -- exhaustedly fall into bed after trying to get E to sleep. she is much more fussy at night for some reason and getting her to sleep even after a feeding takes rocking, bouncing, running the water faucet and other tricks up our sleeves.

12:30am -- wake up to the sound of C crying from his bedroom. mommies can always hear when their kids are crying. Daddies? not so much. i swear it sounded like he fell off the bed or something so i run to his room to see what's wrong. must have been a nightmare cause he was sitting on his bed and wanted me to sing to him. spend 10 minutes getting him calm and back to sleep.

12:45am -- back to bed.

1? 1:30? -- I don't remember but E wakes up. i change her diaper and while B makes her bottle. then B feeds her while i pump. I love that husband of mine. with baby #1, i got up and did feedings on my own more but with 2 kids? no way. i need the sleep to be able to make it through the day! pump for 15 minutes, rinse the pumping equipment, put together E's next bottle of breastmilk (woohoo! a feeding of mommy milk! my hard work in a bottle!), take E from the hubby and rock her to sleep.

2:15am-ish -- back to bed.

5:00am -- wake up to E crying. SO TIRED. beg B to get up and feed her the already prepared bottle. Please oh please! i'll skip the pumping this time. he does it without complaint. have i mentioned how much i love him?

6:30am -- awake to sounds of C outside running around, singing, opening my bedroom door to see me and sister. how much my life has changed that 6:30am is SLEEPING IN.

6:45am -- pump while making my breakfast which definitely includes coffee. try my best to be awake enough to interact with C so he doesn't feel completely neglected. B's feeding C breakfast as they watch tv. TV watching has exponentially increased in our house since having baby #2. sorry folks, that's just reality. it's awesome that my hubby is able to be home in the mornings to help with the 2 kids for awhile. if i had to do it all alone i think i'd crack!

7:15am -- E gets up. I make her bottle as B changes her. i think B fed her cause i was still finishing up pumping? that's mommy brain for you. thankfully, E usually goes back to sleep at this point in the day. life would be lovely if i could go back to sleep with her like i used to with C. but with 2 kids? no dice. so, B holds her on the couch while she sleeps. i drop a load of laundry in the washer and wash bottles.

needing to find something else productive to do, i decide to start reorganizing the pantry cause it's been driving me crazy! i start that project and C comes over to see what i'm up to. bless this kid, he loves to help. so, i give him some tasks and he helps me reorganize which is great cause it takes some time away from the WALL-E movie playing the background. every once in awhile, he'll run to the tv to see what's going on, but then runs over to his toys and then back to me for more assistance. i now only feel 33% guilty for having the tv on all morning.

9:00am -- E will likely be up soon so i should get a pump in. another reason it's great having B around in the morning! another set of hands so i can pump is a lifesaver. so, i pump while dropping a freezer meal in the crockpot. so far, these have not been stellar but hey, it's edible.

9:30am -- E is up again. i make her bottle and feed her so B can get ready for work. oh, let me mention that all the while, meaning from the time C gets up in the morning til the time he goes to bed at night, it's nonstop talking, singing, questions, demands, mini-tantrums -- you know, the usual behavior of a 2-year-old. so, as i'm feeding E, C is asking me for snack, or to watch a very specific thing on tv, or his milk or SOMETHING.

9:45am-ish -- B is finally off to work. Much later than he usually goes to work but he has to be at work late this afternoon so it evens out. now the fun begins!!

10:00am -- turn the tv off. that's enough of that. i look at the clock and contemplate whether i'm brave enough to take both kids out for part of the day. i ask C what he wants to do and he of course lists things that are a 15-30 min drive away and not in my current capacity. i decide the most i can handle is taking them both out to lunch. that'll get us out of the house but hopefully E will sleep through it so it's an easy outing. takes a little bit of convincing, but C agrees.

the wheels in my head start turning as i start to plan how this will all go down. what time can i pump cause we need to go and come back within my pumping window, what time will she eat again cause that will very much determine when we leave. i think i've got it figured out so i put E down with my fingers crossed that she stays asleep in her pack n play so i can spend some time with C and get things done around the house.

10:15am -- success! E is sleeping on her own. C wants to finger paint so i set that up for him. while he does that, i wash dishes and reorganize the pantry some more. of course, not much gets done cause i need to help C, answer his questions, wipe his hands, etc. he really only paints for like 20 minutes and then he's over it. he seemed to enjoy it though, even if it was short-lived.

10:45am -- C wants a snack. after much conversation, i find him one. he then helps me reorganize some more. sweet. let me also throw in here that during much of the morning i am shushing C cause i don't want to wake E up. i realize she just needs to deal and it's unrealistic to expect C to talk softly all the time, but he's actually pretty good at being quiet when he wants to be. i'm mildly successful at keeping an "indoor voice" morning household.

11:15am -- E is up! make her bottle, feed her and let C help me feed her to keep him somewhat occupied. i now need to put her down, pump while i get changed and ready to go, pack the kids' bag, and get C and E ready to go asap.

i put E down and she's asleep for the first 5 minutes. i get my pumping stuff on (oh, how i'm starting to hate this process), concede that makeup will not happen and try to just pluck my eyebrows a little and get my hair in a nice ponytail so i'm not a total hot mess. get my tweezers out and one pluck later, i realize C is very, very quiet. too quiet. i go to check on him and he's by his toy kitchen. i ask if he's okay and he tells me he has to poop. of course he does.

okay, so i take him to bathroom and have him do as much as he can himself to get on the toilet and ready to poop. remember now, all the while i still have the pumping contraption strapped to my boobs as i'm trying to help him poop. that sounds just lovely, doesn't it? as i close the door to give C some privacy, i hear E crying.

go to her but can't pick her up because of said pumping contraption. so, i stick a binky in her mouth, pat her and shush her to try and get her back to sleep. thankfully, it seems to work! and just in time to hear, "mommy, i'm done!"

back to the bathroom to help C finish up, wash hands, put clothes on, etc. E's crying again. i ask C if he can help mommy out and play in his room nicely for awhile. i tell him in need to finish pumping and get us ready to go to lunch and it would be great if he could play in his tent. with minimal complaint, he obliges. i love this kid!! i turn the A/C on in his room and he plays nicely in there for awhile.

back to trying to calm E without picking her up. takes me another 5 minutes or so, but she closes her eyes and seems to be back to sleep.

try to get ready again and this time get to plucking 3 hairs under my eyebrows when i hear E crying again. sigh. binky, soothe and pat her back to sleep. please oh please stay asleep or we are never getting out of here! finally, she seems to really be sleeping this time.

my pumping is done so i pour all the milk out, rinse it all and am free of it for another few hours. finally get myself changed and ready to go. meanwhile, C is running back and forth from his room to his toy kitchen and i hear all kinds of clanging. who the heck knows what is going on but at this point, i let him be and hope he's not painting the walls of his room or something.

i get her bottle ready, C's milk and snacks and make sure i have other essentials. comb C's hair, change E's diaper and clothes and get her in her carseat. close up the house and we are off!! get everyone in the car and check the time as i pull out of the driveway -- 12:30pm. good gracious.

12:30pm -- off to lunch at a restaurant only 5 minutes away. and a place i don't even like that much but it's kid-friendly and close by. get there and E's sleeping in her carseat. yay! take her out in it and let her sleep through lunch. we have a drama-free hour, fill our tummies and all is good.

1:30pm -- back at the house already! yup, ALL THAT for one measly hour. get kids out of car and leave E in her seat awhile longer while i get C ready for his nap. potty, diaper on, teeth brushed and in bed. phew!

1:45pm -- PUMP. stupid pump.

2:15pm -- take E out of carseat and put her in pack n play. she's still sleeping but we'll see how long that lasts.

2:30pm -- E stirs and gets up. change her diaper, make her bottle while she cries a bit.


2:45pm -- feed her and put her in the ergo so i can carry her around hands-free and do things like wash dishes, surf the internet and oh, write this blog entry.

4:00pm -- C wakes up from his nap. i don't think B is gonna be home til 5:30 or so today. hmmm...maybe i'll call the in-laws and see if they'll watch him for an hour and give myself a break. :)

all in all, a somewhat stressful but pretty good day. maybe in a month or so i'll graduate to taking the kids out for 2 hours at a time? it gets easier, right??