breastfeeding woes

same song, different tune (or whatever that saying is). trying to breastfeed C nearly drove me to the nut house and the same is true for new baby girl E. it's a bit easier with her cause at least she latches and nurses for long periods, but the way she sucks hurts my nipples and she's only now getting the hang of opening her mouth wide enough to get a semi-good latch. so what does that leave me with? sore, blistered, cracked nipples that are so raw i'm surprised they haven't fallen off. i literally walk around the house all day topless cause any material touching them hurts like hell. poor C must think i'm crazy and asks once in awhile, "where's your shirt?"

for some reason being unable to properly breastfeed make me feel like a failure. it stresses me out -- less so this time around -- but still, i just wish it could be easy and natural. you'd think it would be, right? i mean, if this were 100 years ago, how the heck would either of my kids survive? both of them needed formula. that thought crosses my mind all the time when my kids don't get enough milk from me; it's so baffling.

lactaction consultant coming tomorrow. hopefully she can help fix my latching problem so my nipples don't come out all flat and sore after every feeding. i'm hopeful but trying to be realistic too. cause if the problem can't be solved quickly, screw this breastfeeding crap. C had a bunch of formula and he seems to be just fine. i'd love to be one of those moms who has tons of milk and can breastfeed like it aint no thing. i wonder, are there moms out there whose babies just latch instantly and they experience NO nipple pain, no problems, no thing? if so, i envy them. all the stress and time that comes with the complexities of breastfeeding seriously will give me a nervous breakdown. so, fingers crossed that tomorrow will be good new from from consultant. if not, bye bye breastfeeding -- it is so not worth my sanity!

baby #2: blogging for my sanity

baby #2 is finally here! she's beautiful and perfect and we love her so much. but it's also a rude re-awakening to the horrors of having a newborn in the house. i swear, i am so not cut out for dealing with the first few weeks of baby's life. it's definitely easier the second time around, but only just. thankfully, cam has been incredibly amazing adjusting to his sister being around which has been such a blessing. what a great kid.

here's my quick thoughts on the first 5 days with a new baby and 2 kids in the house:

• the sleep abyss is back and i do not function well without sleep.
• breastfeeding is the devil. DEVIL.
• less worry about the small stuff (how much baby is eating, sleeping, crying, etc.) but added guilt of not being able to spend time with my older one. thankfully, he's been so wonderful and understanding about "sharing mommy."
• my husband is my savior. 
• hormones are a bitch and they affect me greatly. 
• 2 meltdowns in 5 days, and i'm not talking about the kids.
• the jaundice blanket suckidy sucks sucks.
• and i know it sounds horrible, but if i could skip over the first 3 weeks with baby, i would.